- “There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.”
- Jane Churchill
- “Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.”
- P.J. O’Rourke
- “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
- Milton Berle
- “The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.”
- Jane Sellman
- “I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, 'Steven, time to go to sleep.' I said, 'But I don't know how.' She said, 'It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left.' So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said 'I thought I told you to go to sleep.’”
- Steven Wright
